Yes We Can Dothan

Former Dothan High School dropout Curtis “Downtown” Brown made an $800 cash donation to Yes We Can Dothan, last Thursday night. Downtown lauded the program for educating children early in stages of development, before they decide to drop out.

“Man, Yes We Can got it goin on,” Downtown said enthusiastically, adding “I ain’t got to teach nobody how to read no scales no more. Brothers used to be saying Downtown, how many grams in an ounce. Whatever y’all be teaching them over there, word up, it’s workin?”

Director of Communications, Twyla Williams appeared dumbfounded by the donation and Downtown’s comments. She did little communicating aside from a shocked look on her face and her mouth hanging open during the presentation.

“Gimme some love girl,” Downtown said as he rejected the customary handing over of the check with a handshake pose. Downtown instead held the cash in his most earnest gangster pose, eight one hundred dollar bills fanned out spectacularly, including pulling up his shirt to show a pistol tucked into his pants. He went on to describe another youngster who benefited from Yes We Can’s educational programs, Dontae Jones.

“The other day two of my boys were bout to throw down over who gun was best and my boy Dontae, he just got kicked out for dealin, Dontae said “Technically the forty five has a larger diameter, whereas the nine millimeter, due to its smaller size can carry almost twice as many bullets. I have found the forty caliber to be an honest compromise. Ole Dontae sounded like a professor at Wallace. Too bad T-bone shot him for being uppity. It’s all good in the hood.”

Found at work

Weird to me due to the resolution on the printer, 15dpi maybe??? Click on it to make it bigger.

Where's Mariah Carey's Hips?

Mariah Carey has a new commercial for Jenny Craig.  It is not flattering at all.  "Little in the middle but she's got much back" a famous poet once said.  A hourglass figure is the most appealing to dudes like me.

Here's a much better image, showing some hips.

928

The Porsche 928.  My spell check allowed the previous sentence.  Why?  Because that says it all.

 

The Porsche 928 (pronounced poor-sha) was the car I loved as a teen.  The 911 was and continues to be Porsche's bread and butter but the 928 was the flagship of the fleet.  Manufactured from 1978 through 1995 was one of just a few models with a front engine layout.  During its reign the 928 was considered a supercar, although a modern family car would surely give it a run.

Visually I find the 928 appealing to this day.  The shape and curves of the car are unlike anything else.  When I would see one on the road I turn to admire the beautifully curved rear, just as you would an attractive woman.  I have never been too concerned with how the car drives, as I can't admire its beauty while sitting inside.  While I don't understand my wife wanting the fabric of the curtains to somehow match the sofa, I do understand that a black 928 should have some proper black rims.  Maybe it should be flat black, like a SR-71 Blackbird, the aeronautical equivalent of the 928.

Occasionally I search the web for used ones.  My wife will not allow a money pit so I search and dream without telling her.  I did tell her of one I found in California for $500, it ran but the windows had been left down for over a year.  That would not bother me, it bothered her.

There's one sitting in a yard in Midland City.  I stopped by to look at it from the road.  Joyfully it was already black.  There was a dent in the door.  I didn't approve of the rims.  The grass and weeds underneath indicated it hadn't been moved in several months.  I saw an old man in the yard.  I got out and asked if it was for sale.  His response, "You can't afford it."  I asked again, agitated.  He grumbled "It was appraised for $12,000, you got $12,000?"  I threw my hands up in disgust and drove away.  It might have been worth $12k at one point, the weeds underneath knocked a minimum of $3000 off in my mind.  Obviously the old man has no idea what the car is worth.  I have seen 928's from $15k-$25k that were in immaculate condition.

The old jackleg might not be so cranky if he kept the car in the back yard.  I am sure a lot of people stop to ask.  In the mean time the value continues to go down.  In several more years I expect an estate sale, where the children will try to sell the car.  I imagine they will still say "It was appraised for $12,000."

I might drive by and check on the car every once and a while.  Just to let it know that someone appreciates it and someone would love it, given the chance.

Martin asks...

I respect Martin for challenging ones intelligence.  He asked on a forum:  Let’s think about the persuasion of postmodernity in the presence of conflicting world views in SE Alabama. I’ve studied the philosophical views of Alasdair MacIntyre for over 20 years. A quote from his book “After Virtue” may be helpful. “My argument was thus to the effect that emotivism informs a great deal of contemporary moral utterance and practice and more specifically that the central characters of modern society – in the special sense which I assigned to the word character- embody such emotivist modes in their behavior . These characters, It will be recalled, are the aesthete, the therapist and the manager, the bureaucratic expert. The historical discussion of those developments which made the victories of emotivism possible has now reveled something else about these specifically modern characters, namely the extent to which they trade and cannot escape trading in moral fiction. But how far does the range of moral fiction extend beyond those of rights and utility? And who is going to be deceived by them?” (After Virtue, page 73)

My answer: 

The challenge to your conceit lies in the first sentence with the persuasion of post-modernity in this region.  Please give an example. The successful socio-political landscape, to me, is cultivated by the strictest of traditionalists, never sowing a seed of disharmony among the majority.  This region is steeped in tradition with the aesthete character being most likely to influence/emotivate popular opinion contrary to modernist views. Sadly, the aesthete overpowers the intellectual, not even listed as a character.  Why?  Power of persuasion, views contrary to popular opinion, and something that surely has been studied by now but I will call ease of information.  I was discussing with Mitchell (son) the other night the multitude of information available, but it’s quantity over quality. 

As far as the moral fiction affecting rights and utility, I see the fiction as presented by the therapist (modern day bloggers), post-internet, as a major concern.  Information is consumed and reprocessed, without validation or fact from bloggers at a rate unseen before, influencing the masses with more traditionalist views, giving post-modernity little grasp on which to succeed.

Study Finds Redneck Women Attracted To Big Loud Pickup Trucks

Study Finds Redneck Women Attracted To Big Loud Pickup Trucks
2/19/08

A recent study by the National Association of Women finds that redneck women are three times more likely to be attracted to a man driving a truck with large mud tires and loud mufflers. Dr. Janice Goodall stated several of her colleagues were surprised at the results of the study. “As times change, so do people,” Dr. Goodall said, “previously we thought two of the main indicators which attracted redneck women were worn ring in the back pocket of a man’s pants caused by a can of Skoal and sleeveless t-shirts imprinted with a Confederate flag.”

Brain activity was monitored while test subjects were shown flash cards of various automobiles. Whereas an image of a late model family car in good condition showed little to no brain activity, the image of a slightly rusted 1996 Chevy Z71 with Super Swamper tires produced the highest results.

The study also measured estrogen output when exposed to certain sounds. Dr. Goodall was surprised with the results adding, “As an educated woman I find the sound of George Clooney reading the Magna Carta somewhat of an aphrodisiac. Rednecks were extremely turned on by the sound of Flowmaster exhaust systems. If you are not familiar, it sounds somewhat like an automobile without a muffler. Very loud and totally devoid of benefit to the mechanical operation of the vehicle.”

Local Man Gets A “Bitchin” Mullet

Local Man Gets A “Bitchin” Mullet
2/26/08
Derrick Johnson is truly happy with his latest haircut, a mullet. “It’s a bitchin mullet”, Johnson said, “I ain’t believin how good it looks. I done went to the southside Walmart and had to wait forty-five minutes fer a haircut, but it was worth it. All business in the front and a party going on out back. Now I am gonna detail my Camaro and cruise the mall.”

Local Church Theft, Satan Suspected

Local Church Theft, Satan Suspected
2/21/08

The air conditioning unit from New Mt. Zion Holiness Church was stolen Wednesday night, Pastor Joe Barnes blames Satan. “He is responsible for all of the unrighteousness in the world,” Pastor Barnes said. “He is the root of all evil, condemned to hell by the graces of our heavenly father. You find him, and you will find our air conditioner.”

Houston County Sheriff’s Deputies believe the thief will probably sell the copper in the air conditioner to a recycling center. Deputies have contacted several recyclers in the area in hopes of catching Satan. Satan is described as being 6 feet tall, weighing 200 pounds, red skin, horns on the forehead, a long whip like tail and may possibly be carrying a pitchfork. If you encounter someone matching this description please contact Crimestoppers at 793-7000.

WDHN News Anchor Kevin Presley Facts

Kevin Presley doesn’t flub his lines like Jenna Zibton.

Kevin Presley laughs at his co-anchor off camera

Kevin Presley has perfect Hair

Kevin Presley can bench press a Honda Civic

Last name Presley, probably father to Elvis

Kevin Presley was previously a wrestler named “Alabama Slamma”, from parts unknown

Kevin Presley could easily handle the WTVY news at the same time, just doesn’t like CBS

Kevin Presley once fought Chuck Norris to a draw

Kevin Presley has killer sideburns

Most people work at the mall for a side job, Kevin Presley preaches the word of God

Kevin Presley, unlike Greg Dee, knows the difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny

Kevin Presley taught Ken Curtis how to be cool

We will get the I10 connector when Kevin Presley is damn well ready for it

John Williams retired because he heard Kevin Presley was coming to town

Only Kevin Presley could make the Wiregrass news interesting

Hurricane Katrina was actually Kevin Presley blow drying his hair

Kevin Presley’s fists are considered weapons of mass destruction

If Kevin Presley worked for Rickey Stokes News all of the words would be spelled correctly

Kevin Presley humbly declined having Country Crossing named Kevin Presleyland

67% of Wiregrass women miss the news due to fainting after seeing Kevin Presley’s handsome face

I10 Connector Finalized

I10 Connector Finalized, ALDOT Director Hopes “Everyone Will Just Shut Up About This”
2/16/08

Alabama Department of Transportation Director Bill Frisk finalized the plans for the Interstate 10 connector for the Dothan area this morning. Frisk posted the following comments for all news outlets, refusing any additional comment.

From The Desk of William “Bill” Frisk, ALDOT Director
“Governor Riley is tired of hearing about this I10 connector thing and so am I. He told me to come up with something just so everyone will shut up about this. So here is the plan. Say goodbye to Dothan, it will be razed. We are going to run six lanes of interstate from Montgomery all the way through what used to be Dothan, down to Interstate 10 at Marianna. We got tired of hearing everybody bitch about it, so there you go. The Governor said he wanted to keep a few landmarks so we will spare the Cowboys and probably Applebees. Everything else will be gone. The city of Donalsonville, Georgia wants has asked for “as much scrap lumber as they can get” from the demolishing of Dothan. I think they want to build a new school or something.”

Gay Community Split Over Jeff Gordon’s Hairstyle

Gay Community Split Over Jeff Gordon’s Hairstyle
2/14/08

Nascar Racing Champion Jeff Gordon may have lost a few fans after his latest visit to Great Clips. Gordon was the most popular driver among gay fans, until he changed his hairstyle.

Chase Billingsly, Chairman of the Dothan Club “Gays Love Jeff” said his organization is in turmoil over Gordon’s latest decision. “Our little club is really divided right now”, Billingsly said, “Some like him with short hair, others like me, love his longer, flowing sexy locks. How can you resist that man jumping around after a victory covered in Pepsi? I wear his cologne everyday, it has a hint of motor oil, you know?”

Club member Cleveland Pattison is happy Gordon switched back to shorter hair. “Give me Jeff Gordon with short hair, a little beard stubble, his driving suit open for his chest hair to show, then throw in the smell of burning rubber and I am in Heaven! Have mercy!” Pattison exclaimed.

Jeff Gordon could not be reached for comment.

Air Force Test - Fun Game - What Is Your Best Time

Someone sent me this game. The Air Force Test, is very simple. Move the red block without hitting a blue block or the retaining walls. I bet you play more than once. Click here to take the Air Force Test. http://members.iinet.net.au/~pontipak/redsquare.html

Remove Your Baseball Cap In Restaurants

Real men don’t wear baseball caps in a restaurant. It is time to grow up little one. A baseball cap is fine for bad hair days or even playing baseball, but not when you are sitting in a restaurant eating. Most males these days have short haircuts, which seem to negate the need for even wearing a baseball cap.

My hair is a not short and looks rough when I wake up and lounge around the house on the weekends. I throw on a baseball cap to keep from looking like a bum. I also wear one on hot days to absorb sweat while working in the yard. If we happen to eat out on a day I have hat hair I always remove the cap in the restaurant.

In the first half of the 20th century fedora style hats were in fashion and most men wore them. If these men ever ventured indoors or were in the presence of a lady they promptly removed their hat. It was a sign of good manners, respect and class.
So remove those hats at the appropriate times and people notice that you are a classy fellow.

Best Video of 2007 - Five Seconds I Could Watch Everyday - Dramatic Chipmunk

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