A team of scientists and doctors from Southeast Alabama Medical Center announced this morning that they have successfully converted WDHN’s weather woman Vicki Graf to a southerner.
Lead scientist, Doctor Otto Rinjinsonjinson, was all smiles as he presented the new Vicki Graf at a press conference this morning. “I would like to introduce to you our newest southern belle, Vicki Graf,” Dr. Otto said, adding, “As most of you know, Vicki was immune to customary methods of southernization, such as consuming mass quantities of Miller Lite and smoking Kool cigarettes. We were required to perform a stem cell transplant.”
“Hey y’all. It’s gone rain Fridee.” Vicki added.
“Hoooeee, now she sounds as good as she looks, shore nuff.” Reporter Jim Cook said.
“Shut your trap Jim, Doctor, where did you find stem cells strong enough and in such quantities?”
“That’s a good question. Our researchers combed the jungles of the Florida Panhandle for the perfect specimen, and we found him, none other that the infamous Red Holland. Our researchers found him on what appeared to be a hot bed of crappie. He was disarmed of his cane pole and brought back for the procedure.”
“Doctor Otto, the procedure appears to be successful for Vicki, but how is Red?”
“To soon to tell, we scooped out a lot of his stem cells. After the procedure he awoke screaming “Haw! Haw!””
“But didn’t he do that before?”
“Yes he did, we are hoping he will be an inexhaustible supply of southern stem cells.”
“Now that you are southern, what’s the first thing you want to do Vicki?”
“Ahm own go to Drifter’s”
“Sorry Doll, but they is closed.” Jim Cook said.
“Aha” Doctor Otto exclaimed. “Yankees normally say that word in point 2 milliseconds, it must have taken her a good three seconds to say it.”
“Vicki, tell us the first word you uttered after the procedure.”
“It’s a miracle, congratulations Doctor!”