Thursday, April 26, 2012

The Visitor 1-3

Edited to change the name to The Visitor.

I started this a couple of years ago and just recently got back to it.  I think I know how I want to proceed with the story now so I am back on it.  I will be posting one chapter every week.  I started you with three, to get you interested.  Please leave comments AND sign up for the email list to be advised when a new chapter(or anything I might post) is added AND share it on Facebook, with your friends, etc.  

The idea came from an elderly lady who told my wife and I about being a candy striper when she was young who saw a dark spirit in the hospital room of a young man who died.  She quit that day.  I found her story interesting and began writing, but have changed many things since I started.  

It's currently titled The Visitor, but that may change too.  Start reading and enjoy.  I need some feedback, leave comments.

Chapter 1

It could be the arthritis or the impending weather causing Jacob Barnes’ hands to ache from just holding the phone.  His granddaughter Ann called as he was getting ready for a trip to the hospital.  He was a retired minister from the local Methodist Church, but since his wife died, he found it uplifting to visit those in the hospital who had no family or needed spiritual guidance.

“Annie, I need to go if I am going to beat this storm.”  He had to interrupt her.

“Papa, I know you get lonely in that house all by yourself, but do you have to go to the hospital on a night like this?” Ann asked.

“Well it is not storming yet.  I can make it, if I hurry.  The Lord is really telling me I need to be there tonight.  Give me a hug.”  He said, as he reached into a bag of hard candy, pulling out a handful for each of his pants pockets.

“Okay, I will let you go.  Be careful and I will talk to you soon.  Love Love Papa.”

“Love Love Annie.”  He smiled as he placed the phone down.  When she was little he would hug her, humming mmm, mmm.  “Love Love” was for when he could not be there to hug her.

The rain was starting to fall as he rushed to the car.  Once inside, his fingers fumbled with the keys in the ignition.  He made a fist around the keys, as well as his arthritis would allow and started the car.  Maybe he should stay home and keep warm tonight, nurse the aching joints.  No, he thought to himself, he would go to the hospital.  Some soul might need him.  The hospital was not far from Pastor Barnes’ home.  He knew he could make the drive before the really bad weather moved in. 

As he drove, the windshield began to fog over.  He reached into his pocket, pulled out a handkerchief and wiped the moisture from the windshield.  It was then he noticed the darkness seemed to overtake the light from lampposts and nearby businesses.  All light faded to very dim. 

His eyes strained in the darkness.  He leaned forward.  The lack of light seemed to be concentrated directly in front of him on the road ahead.  Darkness was in the shape of a person, a figure standing in the street.  He leaned forward to better see what the figure was but his headlights found nothing.  Their light wrapped around the dark figure into the unknown beyond.  Someone’s in the road, he thought.  He panicked; his face froze in fear, his knuckles cracked, breaking under the pressure as he gripped the steering wheel to turn away.  His hands went numb.  His leg kicked at the brake pedal, but his wet shoe slipped onto the accelerator.  The car turned, its engine screaming, sliding the car sideways.  Every muscle in his body tightened.  He never took his eyes away from the darkness.  “Oh God” escaped from his lips as he passed through the dark figure smashing into the light beyond. 

Chapter 2

Rain was forecast for the rest of the night with periods of severe thunderstorms.  Kate Pierson tried to leave early for a good parking spot.  Traffic was slow but she arrived early, as did many of the other hospital staff.  She found the best place she could and parked the Honda.  With the umbrella she shielded her body from the cold rain as she made her way to the employee entrance for her shift. 

Under the entrance awning she shook off the umbrella and neatly tucked it away before making her way to the fourth floor nurses station.  She stopped by the restroom for a peek in the mirror.  She had looked better.  Her sandy blonde hair was pulled back in a ponytail to help control the humidity’s affects.  Her light blue scrubs were fairly dry, she was glad to have made it in without getting wet. 

Kate was a solitary person around the hospital.  She kept to herself, never finding time for extra curricular activities with co-workers.  She was not rude, but always politely declined any invitations.  After several months at the hospital her co-workers stopped trying.  She was always there, doing her job, management and staff members could count on her every day.

As she approached the nurse’s station she noticed the charge nurse Ramona Bolling was just finishing a meeting with members of the staff.  Several of the other nurses appeared to be upset, some of them were crying.  She approached Ramona as the others were talking amongst themselves. 

“What is it Ramona, did something happen?” Kate asked.

“Pastor Jacob Barnes passed away about thirty minutes ago in the emergency room.”  Ramona informed Kate. 

“The preacher?  What happened?”

“He was in an accident, probably on his way here.  He lost control of his car in the rain and hit an eighteen wheeler.  One of the girls in the ER told me the truck driver said Jacob never looked at him or turned away.  He just froze.”

“Oh my God, that’s awful,” Kate said sympathetically.    

“Did you know him?” Ramona asked.

“No, not really.  I was usually too busy to talk to him.  Sometimes he would toss me a piece of candy and wink, but that is about it.” Kate said adding, “I can’t believe he’s dead.”

“I know, everyone is really upset about it.  I am glad it is a slow night.  If you need to talk about it, just let me know, okay honey?”

“I’ll be alright, thanks Ramona.”

Kate checked in at the nurse’s station for the patients she would be seeing that evening.  She was assigned to the new patient in room 423.  Twenty five year old Tim Johnson had been admitted earlier in the day.  His leukemia had progressed and he wasn’t expected to leave the hospital. He was on deathwatch.  She had to monitor him and keep him as comfortable as possible in his near death state.

Chapter 3

Kate approached room 423.  As she did a chill ran over her body.  She stopped, paused for a moment thinking the rain had given her a chill, and shook it off.  She gave the customary knock at the door before entering.  She put her hand to the door.  It felt cold.  She thought it was strange but made her way into the room. 

The room was dark except for a small light at the head of the patient’s bed.  The room was very cold; she thought she might be able to see her breath.  She looked over at Mister Johnson, who was sleeping, and another woman standing beside the bed. The female visitor was difficult to see in the darkened room.  Her clothes were all black and her long dark hair hid her face, which was looking down upon Tim Johnson. Kate introduced herself and wrote the names of the night shift nurses on the information board. 

She spoke as she wrote, “My name is Kate, and Ramona is the Charge Nurse tonight.”  She turned and went to the bedside.  “I’m just going to check vitals.”  After a few silent moments with her eyes on her watch she uttered “Cold in here.”  The visitor standing on the other side of the bed never said a word or took her eyes off Tim.  The light was very dim. She could only see that the quiet person was a woman.  Everything about her was dark and foreboding, her clothes, her hair, her presence.

She finished taking his vital signs and scribbled a few notes.  The silence from the visitor was uncomfortable, but she had to ask as she always did.  She looked up at the visitor and asked, “Is there anything I can do for you?”

With her head still down, the visitor whispered an answer “Oh, yes”.

“What’s that?” Kate answered with a smile.

The visitor slowly looked up at Kate.  In the dark room the whites of her eyes glowed against the darkness of her face.  Kate looked into her eyes.  The visitor’s head moved closer to her across the hospital bed.  She cracked her lips open and hissed one word, “Believe”. 

As she moved closer Kate could see the details of her face.  Kate watched the woman’s mouth as she spoke.  Her teeth were dirty and stained, her lips were dark, almost black against her pale face.  When she finished the word her lips spread wide and the corners of her mouth split open.  Kate backed against the wall.  The opening of her mouth grew larger as the visitor moved closer to Kate’s face.  Kate smelled the stench of death and closed her eyes just as the visitor reached her.  


  1. very cool. in my imagination the visitor then pulls a queen of sheba move like in american gods

  2. I had to go look up American Gods, looks interesting. You know I usually do humor but just started this story and couldn't stop.

  3. I really like it. Maybe the visitor just wanted to give her some cake. Now I won't have weird dreams.

  4. Looks like you're off to a great start! I'm surprised. This is so different for you, but I'm sure, by the time it's finished it'll sport that local Southern flavor.