Monday, December 5, 2011

Meanwhile, in the Jehovah's Witness chatroom...Plus bible verses

yawehiscool: 907 Wilson Street has a mean dog, the Lord told me I could skip that house
bibleocity: lol
hereforhim: my butt is tired from riding my bike
servinghusband: y'all let me go, gotta go wash hubby's uniform
bibleocity: later serving
yawehiscool: bye serving
yawehiscool: prayers up for you hereforhim
hereforhim: TY
yawehiscool: welcome
PTL: Wassuuup!!!
servinghusband: Oh Yaweh! PTL is back, Ezekiel's clothes will have to wait
yawehiscool: Convert any sinners today PTL?
PTL: No, they are all going to hell

Bible Verses

Revelations 6:6-9
6 And on the Sabbath I too came down from that hill. Mixeth myself a concoction with the firewaters of Bacardi and sat in the bubbling oasis, considering myself blessed.

7 Closing mine eyes and listening to the gulls I did dream.

8 And behold a pale Z71 and its rider was red of the neck. He and his minions were given power over one quarter of the earth. In my dream I drank firewater as I watched as forty and two riders thundered around an oval on a Sabbath afternoon. The demon appeared and snatcheth the firewater from mine hands and poured it onto the earth. Lo, I said, but the demon spoke in a tongue I did not understand. I told the demon to get hence for I bothereth no one. Dreams doth be weird, this I know. Somehow mine sandal became lodged in his buttocks and the demon left.

9 I awoke to find mine foot stuck in a bubbling hole in the oasis. I cursed the demon and his minions, sipped mine firewater and enjoyed the rest of mine Sabbath.

Genesis 4:17-18

17 Who be the Jezebel with orange loincloth and shiny legs tempting my palate with her spicy wings of chicken?

18 So shall she be called Tina. Partake of her fowl for it is clean. Alas, she doth not like to be looked in the eyes. Cast your gaze down, about the chest area.

1 comment:

  1. Yes Sir! Thank you for this. At least now I know that when I go to hell, I won't be alone. You'll already be there waiting for me ... or, you'll be along shortly.

    Although, I must say. That was pretty funny.