Home Made Kid's Desk

So they said Alysa needs a desk and asked if I could build one out of two old closet doors. No problem. I am a man after all, and a man knows how to delegate, so while the ladies went shopping I put Alysa to work building her desk.

Here she is marking a cut line 50" from the end.

Hey, I don't want to use your tape measure she says, so she gets her tool set and drill we gave her for her eleventh birthday.

That's a handy little tool bag from Walmart. They also have it in black, if pink is not your color.

Take that hardware off, we don't need it. Righty tighty - lefty loosey.

The little circular saw is mine and is very easy to handle.

Here she is cutting the door. The little saw only cuts 3/4" deep so we had to flip it over and cut again.

Grandmommie seemed surprised that she did all the cutting. No problem, she wore safety glasses. Circular saws are notorious for getting sawdust into your eyes.

The problem with using a hollow core door is that the inside is only framed around the perimeter. After cutting the desk top 50" long, one end is hollow so I cut a piece off the top to insert into the end.

Then Alysa sanded it smooth. Like her new sander? $25 at Harbor Freight.

Then we put some glue on each side and she put it into the hollow area.

Ugh, it won't go in.

No problem, use the hammer to knock it in.

You go girl.

While that was drying we cut the other door into two 29" pieces to make the legs.

Next, I cut some braces with my full size saw. Her little fingers were tired and the little saw was charging.

I got her to sand the braces down to the wood so the glue would stick well.

Next she drilled pilot holes for the screws to go into. Pilot holes are very helpful with alignment and keep the wood from splitting.

I just bought a new pack of drill bits and I knew one or two would be sacrificed during this part but she held the drill steady and straight. No drill bits were broken.

That's my hand holding the brace.

Then Alysa screwed each of the twelve screws through the braces and into the desk top and sides.

Here she is putting the last few screws in. I told her to push hard and she did. I only had to give three of them an extra twist with the drill to get them down a little more.

And here she is with her finished desk.

This work session was brought to you by Chill Yogurt, which we visited after the strenuous build.

Here we are both in the picture showing off the various tools used, she is checking to make sure the desk is level and I am acting like I am measuring something.

After the build she wanted it painted this avocado color. This Valspar paint is excellent.

Well it was a great way to spend a rainy afternoon. I should have taken a picture of the painted desk. After the paint cures in a few days, they will move it into her room and her things on it. I hope to get a picture then.

So how much did each of us do? I trimmed the insert for the hollow core end, cut the braces with a bigger saw because the little one needed to charge, and I drove the screws through the desk top into the top of the legs while she helped hold them. All of the other measuring, cutting, sanding, drilling, gluing , and screwing was done by her. Can your eleven year old accomplish a project like this? Sure they can with help and direction.

My wife wants some bookcases built for our den. We might have to schedule a spend the night party with Alysa.

Valentine

Recently my wife sorted through our old photos and found some letters I wrote to her. She enjoyed reading them. I enjoyed hearing her read them aloud. So on this Valentine’s Day, I want to give her another love letter.

She was the Lasik eye surgery coordinator, and I was her patient. Lasik is an expensive operation so patients are treated well. She spent a lot of time with me, including sitting with me in the waiting area. I was unaccustomed to this and asked if she was going to follow me everywhere. She thought I was a smart ass but she remained professional. The day of the surgery she sat with me waiting for the Valium to take effect and we talked about wanting to see The Lord of the Rings.

We emailed a few times following the surgery and I finally convinced her to go see the movie with me, just after Christmas. Afterward we had coffee and talked some more. It was a great date and I was smitten. She must have been too because she invited me to her niece’s New Years party. I met her there and we had a good time and then decided to go to another friend’s party. When we got there we just sat in my truck talking for an hour before the people finally got us to come in. When midnight came I took a chance and kissed her. She still says it was a surprise, and I’m glad I had gotten the nerve to do it.

We started dating steadily after New Years. She lived about an hour away, so most days we would meet after work at a park just to sit and talk for a while. Then we would stay on the phone all night until one of us fell asleep.

I don’t remember the exact day but one afternoon when we were riding in my truck I told her she looked at home sitting in the passenger seat. Soon after that she and her youngest son, Mitchell, moved in with me and I decided this is the woman I wanted to marry.

The ring was burning a hole in my pocket. Kay, Mitchell and I went to a movie, then to Steak and Shake. When we left Mitchell followed the plan and asked to see the park where she and I would sit in our car to talk. When we arrived Mitchell said he saw a cat and took off. We stood there and held hands, she started to wrap her other hand around me to hug and felt my heart pounding in my chest. “Thomas, are you okay?” she asked and I reached into my pocket and got down on one knee to give her the ring. She was jumping for joy. We have been together since that day.

Last week she went to Atlanta for a night. That night I had the TV all to myself and watched a movie she had no interest in. She was late getting home the next night and I noticed the only conversation I had was with the cat. I was missing her and wondered how I spent all those years alone, without her.

Quarantine

“Don’t panic,” Clark Matthews, Dothan Houston County EMA Director said to the room full of reporter and city leaders. “As far as we know, the epidemic affects only women and the elderly.”

Does the disease have a name?

“I’ll turn the question over to Doctor Robert Speed from Wallace College, Doctor,” Matthews said.

“Currently the disease has no specific name,” Dr. Speed said, “nor can it be traced back to a single individual to be named after them. We are referring to it solely by its symptoms, sinistra via agripeta.”

Don’t hide the truth doctor, call it by it’s real name.

“Very well then, Left Lane Squatter, but I want to be clear about why we are here, after extensive testing on subjects afflicted with this disease we still don’t know what causes it, but we do know its devastating affects on traffic, especially on the Ross Clark Circle.”

Is it hereditary? I’ve noticed my grandfather doing it.

“If you are not experiencing the symptoms you must be immune. It could be something he ate. Is there anything peculiar in his diet?”

He eats Dobb’s a lot.

“I thought it was Manwich,” Doctor Speed said, which made everyone in the room uncomfortable, some nodded their heads in agreement, others shook their fist in anger, County Commission Chairman, Mark Culver appeared visibly shaken. “I’m sorry, I should have read the sign which clearly states BBQ.”

I saw National Guard troops take a woman yesterday, just pulled her over and took her out of her car. She was screaming that she was eventually going to turn left.

“Please remain calm,” Matthews pleaded.

I saw you riding with your blinker on for about a mile last week Matthews, how do we know you’re not infected?

“There’s a simple explanation for that,” Matthew said nervously.

“Is this true?” Doctor Speed asked, backing away from Matthews while covering his mouth with his sleeve.

“Really, I just turned from Cherokee onto Montgomery Highway, and you know how it is at that wide angle where sometimes your blinker doesn’t go off. That’s it, really.”

Doctor Speed motioned to a couple of National Guardsmen. They grabbed Matthews and began hauling him away.

“I couldn’t hear the blinker over the radio. It’s a simple mistake. Let me go!” Matthews pleaded.

“Quarantine this room,” Doctor Speed said as he quickly walked away.

White Table, Black Vanity

This table started out as a standard wood finish 3' x 5' boring thing. You know we won't stand for that. I sanded it with my DeWalt just to get the shine and a few scratches off.

Then I spray painted it with the cheap flat white spray paint. This one took about 8 cans. I had to spray three coats to get good coverage.

Don't forget to wear some kind of breathing protection. I didn't and I was coughing spray paint in the shower that night.


I wasn't satisfied with a plain white table so I used a straight edge and a flat head screw driver to score lines to simulate separate boards.

Then I got the stain and went to work rubbing. Just a little and rub it in to make the table look aged and dirty. Yes, my arms were killing me at this point. I had already done the black vanity below.





Here is a closeup of the staining. Strangely, this project came out finished with just the staining. I didn't have to wax it. Maybe it was from using less stain than I did on the vanity or the difference in paint color. When I do a piece in black I soak it with stain to give a rich color and wet look, but I have to rub it a lot to get the extra stain off or it will be sticky.






Here is the finished table sitting in my wife's booth at the front of Old South Antique Mall - $85 Sorry but it has been SOLD











The vanity before I started. I had to glue a few pieces and sand the top back to the wood. This piece is on casters and would also make a nice desk. I painted it with flat black spray paint, and sanded it back to the wood in several places to give it an aged look. Then I gave it a good wash in stain. I didn't sand it enough in some places so I rubbed extra hard to get the paint off to show the wood.





Here's a closeup of it sitting in my wife's booth. She has already put things on it like some beautiful woman has been sitting there doing her makeup.










That's me taking a picture, notice how large the mirror is. Yes I am wearing short pants. This has been the best winter ever.

Vanity with mirror is $125

Here's some stuff from my booth.

Floating duck decoys - $18 each, very nice

Ancient paddle and pot stirrer - $30 each

Full set of Pool Balls - $25

Metal Tool Box - $18

various wine bottles - $1 to $1.50

Here's a rocking horse in her booth - $65













This is a candle maker's dream come true. An old metal bucket filled with probably a million baby food jars. Most are small, some are tall. $10 for the whole thing. Take the bucket with you.

My wife labeled the tree trunk club as a "shaker" but it is too heavy to shake. Few men have the strength to wield this thing. It is very heavy and has a nice patina - $30

That's some good rope for a swing in the crate below. 1" diameter and about fifty feet long - $12.












Real bowling pins - $19.95 for the set of three

Very large wine bottle - $10

Can't see it but there is a nylon holster hanging on that rack for $8










Great old army plaque, can't remember the dude's name.

writer/reader

Sorry I haven’t written anything in a while. The Day The Music Died was exhausting, no not really. I started a new magazine named writer/reader. Currently it is four pages but I hope it grows and grows.

writer/reader was born from a frustration with free papers/magazine/readers, whatever you call those free things you find in coffee shops. Whenever I pick one up it has more advertisements than actual items to read. Then the reading material was never worth the paper it was printed on; ancient jokes no one finds funny, horoscopes, nothing worth reading.

I wanted to provide you with something worthwhile and mentally stimulating. I have assembled a few bloggers to submit stories or poetry each month for a FREE magazine that I promise will be better than other free ones. The magazine is open to anyone who wants to submit work for publication. I ask that you try to keep your work to 1000 words or less. 500 words would be even better. Submissions should be fiction or names changed to protect yourself. Keep it family friendly as this magazine will be placed in restaurants and coffee shops. I hope to add a mailing list one day.

Here’s the link to the online February issue. Please give feedback or submit your own story.

http://issuu.com/notconcerned/docs/febfor_pdf

And here is a link to the Facebook fanpage.

https://www.facebook.com/writerreaderdothan

The Day The Music Died

“Nooooo!” I screamed at Lady Gaga. “You’re going to get us killed.” I think I hurt her feelings because she gave me that you hurt my feelings look and ran off crying, into the darkness. Then I heard the distinctive crack of a 30.06. If only she had worn the orange boa.

It all started with the Lady Gaga concert at the Dothan Civic Center. As an Entertainment Consultant I was asked to escort the Lady to Cowboys after the concert for an appearance on the Cowboys Country Music Showcase taping to be aired at a later date on WDHN.

At the concert, I was seated with Dothan Mayor Mike Schmitz who was a big fan of the Lady. He sang along with all her hits, even getting up to do a little soft shoe during Edge of Glory. He has talent; if Dancing Dave ever dies, Schmitz would be a good replacement. North side Kmart would benefit from his presence.

She said good night and left the stage, but the fans wanted more. Schmitz threw his glasses down and began pulling at his hair while screaming, “Born-This-Way, Born-This-Way!” I had heard enough of this noise they called music and made my way backstage, hoping Born This Way would be the one and only encore.

At a side curtain I watched as the stage hands prepared the set for the final song. Something touched my leg and I kicked it away. I was fascinated by engineering of the set pieces as they fit together and the speed of the roadies. I felt something tugging at my pant leg and looked down to see a tiny version of Lady Gaga looking up at me. “You’re in the way,” she said.

I knelt down beside her. “Aren’t you the cutest little thing,” I said while pinching her cheek. “But you shouldn’t be out here in your undies. Where are your parents?”

“It’s my costume asshole. I’m a backup dancer for Born This Way. We all are.” It was then I noticed there were fifteen or twenty more of them, all looking exactly the same. “And I’m probably older than you.”

“My bad.”

“I saw you in the front row. Who is that guy that was sitting behind you?” She asked.

“That’s Jim Cook, local Lifestyle columnist.”

“He’s dreamy. Is he a little person too?”

“I suppose you could say he is challenged in that regard.”

“Hook a girl up. Everybody on the tour bus is going to some local bar tonight.”

“I’ll see what I can do. What’s your name?” I asked.

“Tina. Gotta go, song’s about to start.”

From the side stage I watched the last song and dance routine. Schmitz was going crazy dancing in the front row. During the dancer’s routine I lost track of the miniature Gaga interested in Cook; they all looked exactly alike. After the song the real Lady Gaga said good night, exited the stage and started to run by me. I grabbed her arm and she gave me a look like I wasn’t supposed to touch her. “Excuse me ma’am, but I am your escort for the evening,” I said.

“I have to change clothes. Meet me at the tour bus. What are you driving?” she asked as she was whisked away.

“A yellow Veloster, compliments of Dothan Hyundai.” But I don’t think she heard the last part.

I ran into Jim Cook on the way to the car. “Jim, one of those midget backup dancers has the hots for you.”

“Really, which one?” He asked.

“I don’t remember, Tanya or something. She’ll be at Cowboys.”

“Everyone in Dothan will be at Cowboys,” Jim said with a large smile on his face.

I pulled the Veloster next to the tour bus and went to find Lady Gaga. I had to pull her away from the paparazzi, if you call Dothan Magazine’s photographer taking pictures of the same old people paparazzi. She was wearing a hideous red outfit that put the Red Hat Society ladies to shame. Her hat could double as a large patio table. “That hat will not fit in the car,” I told her.

“Fine!” she exclaimed, “but I will have to change my entire outfit.”

“No, we don’t have time for that. Just put it on the bus. The bus is going to the same place.”

“But the hat matches my slacks.”

“The outfit looks fine without the hat.” Not really.

“If I can’t wear the hat I have to find another wig.”

“Your hair looks fine.” It didn’t, it actually made me squint my eyes.

“It doesn’t, I can tell by the way you are looking at it.”

“Just run a brush through it and let’s go,” I pleaded.

“No, I have to change outfits,” she said as she stormed back onto the bus. A short while later she came out in an asymmetrical dress with flashing orange LED lights and a bright orange feather boa.

“We’re just going to Cowboys you know. There’s no need to get all dressed up.”

“You hate it.”

“I didn’t say that, but you may be a little overdressed. Really now, this is a country bar, just a nice shirt and some jeans, maybe a pair of cowboy boots. I’m sure you have some boots in there.”

“Honey, there’s no such thing as overdressed.”

“Great, wonderful, let’s go,” I said as I held the door for her. Soon enough we were speeding down 231.

“What’s your name sugar?” she asked.

“Thomas, you can call me Notconcerned.” I answered tersely.

“You can call me Lady.”

“Nice to meet you Lady.” I paused for a second, then sang “of the morn-ing”

She joined in, “Love shines, in your eyes.”

“Sparkling,” came from the back seat and I almost lost control of the car. Jim stuck his head through the front seats. “Hey man, sorry to stow away but I met Tanya and she’s great.”

Tanya, a miniature version of Lady Gaga, stuck her head through too.

“Ooh girl, no you didn’t” Lady said, “Tina had her eyes on him.”

“Looks like she came up short,” Tanya said.

I giggled. “Am I the only one who finds that funny?” No one answered. “I guess not. We’re here.” I stopped by the front door. “Everybody out, we’re late, let’s go.”

“Wait, I have to change clothes,” Lady protested.

“You just did that. We don’t have time, just go sing one song and then you can change for the interview.” She didn’t like the idea but agreed.

I held the back door open as everyone from the tour bus along with our car filed in. Surprisingly, her whole entourage fit on the stage: Lady Gaga, several midget backup dancers and a bunch of muscular dancer guys wearing only very small short pants and Mardi Gras masks. Well, most of them were muscular, there was this one guy a little older. Lady grabbed the microphone and screamed “How’s everybody in Dothan tonight ?” and a hush fell over the crowd. She made common mistake of pronouncing it Dah-than instead of Doe-than.

“Git on outa here,” someone yelled from the crowd.

Lady Gaga, bless her heart, struck a pose with her bright orange boa, not really a Vogue pose, although the patent restricting Voguing had long since passed and she was free to do it, but chose not to out of respect for the Madonna. Instead her pose was that of an artist, an artist whose real name was no longer used due to her fame, whether it is by a loved one or the throngs of fans, an artist who longed to be a real person once again and called by their own name. She raised the microphone to her mouth and whispered, “Well it was all, that I could do, to keep from crying” and the bar erupted in a joyful noise. The music began playing, dancers commenced dancing and all was right with the world. As she continued singing a tear welled up in my eye, for I knew I was witnessing the greatest musical artist the world had ever known. Not even Dr. Hook got this kind of reaction from the Cowboys faithful.

Being the artist she was, she knew exactly what the audience needed to hear and she gave it to them, with the flair, style and fabulousness that only a Nebraskan can give. Who knew Nebraska was the center of the artistic universe. Soon, the song was taken over by the crowd, “and I’ll hang around as long as you will let me, let me, let me, let me, let me.”

I walked up to the stage and extended my hand. She took it and stepped down from the stage as the crowd continued to sing. Then I noticed a scuffle on the stage. Tina and Tanya had gotten into a shoving match, which turned into a full brawl. Soon all of the midgets were fighting amongst themselves. It was a miniature free for all and the crowd loved it even more.

Jim Cook tried to get onstage to break up the fight and get to either Tina or Tanya, but the male dancers kept him away. All but one of the dancers. The one who was not as young and muscular as the others, it didn’t matter as he was still rocking the Daisy Dukes. He continued to dance, whether it was dedication to his craft or the music simply moving his soul, he danced and he danced. But it was not the choreographed dance the others had been doing. It was a soft shoe, as only the Mayor could do. Some people wish for their dreams to come true, others make their dreams come true.

I smiled and said to her, “They’re going to be talking about this night for a long time.”

“Mind if I change before the interview?” she asked.

“As you wish my dear, you are the best,” I said as I escorted her to the tour bus. While I waited outside I understood what all the hoopla was all about. I finally realized the raw emotion music can convey to even the most hardened easy listening, light rock fan like myself. I could still hear the music playing inside the bar. I noticed a few people in the parking lot when I began to spin around and wiggle my arms, but I didn’t care. I was compelled to dance. I was so excited to be alive.

I heard the tour bus door open and I turned to face her. She exited the bus wearing a brown fur hoodie. My happiness turned to terror as I saw her casually reach back and pulled the hood up over her head. The hood had antlers. Of all the crazy outfits she had been known to wear, none of them ever put her in danger as did impersonating a deer in South Alabama. She smiled as she skipped gleefully over toward me, all I could think about was the hundreds of drunken rednecks close by whose ultimate joy in life was getting a big buck and I screamed, “Nooooo!”

Found at work

Weird to me due to the resolution on the printer, 15dpi maybe??? Click on it to make it bigger.